With my foamy moustache of stout head, I wrapped my lips around pork and ham. It was a beautiful moment.
I often wonder about that poor Black Country wench who’s annoyed that her freezer is still broken!
We am so awash with our precious Punjabi jewels, that even Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are casting an envious eye across the ocean.
We had arrived at the height of sophistication, drinking a £190 bottle of port and eating cubes of edam from our knees.
Well that’s if Elizabeth Bennett had a penchant for beer and scratchings, and managed to pull the drunkest person in the Black Country that is.
I’m sure our souls will need saving at some point during the evening.
There was no sex for us, but they do say it’s wrong to exercise on a full stomach.
The Bride wasn’t half yampy as well.
If you’re thinking of breaking into the safe you may need to bring your stepladders.
So who broke my heart on Saturday night? Well it wasn’t the Dudley Beer Festival. Or the Dog & Partridge.